


i say the words that make you blush

by lovehateau



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Blind Date, F/M, First Date, Fluff, I mean, M/M, crackships are fun, im actually laughing at my own work, omg, what am i doing with life, where are the boys???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-12
Updated: 2013-04-12
Packaged: 2017-12-08 06:36:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/758221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovehateau/pseuds/lovehateau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>au. where harry is a matchmaker, i think?</p>
            </blockquote>





	i say the words that make you blush

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first crackship and oh my god i don't know what i'm doing
> 
> excessive amount of the word 'fuck' 
> 
> im so lazy to edit omfg im going to do it later
> 
> all comments are appreciated!!!!!1
> 
> (tumblr: stylinbye)

"HARRY!"

  
it doesn't take to seconds and harry is already rushing to the kitchen, trying to find the murderer (yes, naked. but who would take time to look for boxers if your friend is already dying?). he looks around and sees louis sat down on the floor, an empty mug on his hand and and unreadable expression on his face.

  
"louis, what the fuck is this?"

  
harry hears louis mumble something like get some fucking clothes on and he does (mostly because he's planning on sitting on the floor with him) so he slips on a bright yellow boxers that sure isn't his and comes back to the kitchen, finding louis still on the floor. he sits right beside him. "so, what is this?"

  
"i need to get laid."

  
harry cackles, ignoring louis' whines of stop laughing you fucking fuckface and this is not fucking funny and a last fuck you before he waits for harry to shut up. harry does calm down, after a minute or so, and he takes a deep breath, trying to collect himself before opening his mouth. "louis, what the flying fuck are you talking about? you're only twenty-five-"

  
"that's it! that's fucking it! i am twenty five and i still don't have a boyfriend! i am going to die alone! alone, harry, fucking ALONE!" louis screeches, and harry thinks he's having a panic attack.

  
"god," harry breathes. "god, lou, what the fuck have you been smoking?"

  
"oh for god's sake, harry-"

  
"okay," harry interjects sternly. "i get it, this is a serious matter, okay, fine, you need to get laid, we're gonna find you a boy, no need to bite my head off. god, seriously, lou? you're freaking out because of you needing a boyfriend? i mean, we could go to a pub and have a quickie."

  
"i need to find mr.right, you dimwit." louis argues softly, and he sees harry's expression change and he's mouth is forming an 'o' and louis knows harry has something in mind.

  
(although, really, he thinks harry is laughing internally because of his ridiculous reference of mr. right)

  
"c'mon, lou, we're gonna find your mr. right!"

  
-

  
"oh, hell to the fucking no, harry."

  
harry stares at louis dumbly.

  
"louis."

  
"harry."

  
"it's just a date, louis, what's wrong with a simple date? besides, zayn knows him, so everything's fine." harry assures, but louis just scoffs.

  
"its not just a date, it's a blind date, you fucker. many things may go wrong. goodness gracious, harry, he might be an utter twat and you wouldn't know because he might've stolen my phone the moment i decide to call niall, or mum, or the police, anyone but you." louis defends, hands finding their way to his hips.

  
harry rolls his eyes. "wow, lou. so impressive, you can be the next john green! i'd totally support you-" louis flashes him the finger. "-but in all seriousness, louis, you are overreacting, okay? as i said, zayn knows him, and zayn said that he's nice and he's american, he's cool, and i might've talked to him and he's pretty and he's witty. c'mon, lou! don't throw your chance! this could be your mr. right." harry finishes off with a beam.

 

louis doesn't admit defeat so he smiles shyly and sticks with: "i don't need to enjoy this, right?"

  
"nope! and if he is an utter twat, you could go home and we could cuddle and watch the wedding singer, alright?"

  
"yes, yes. that's alright." louis breaths, smiling at his grinning bestfriend. "what would i do without you, hazzy?"

  
"oh i don't know, louis. i don't really know." harry says, then adds. "what are we waiting for? let's get to business!"

  
"it's tonight?!"

  
-

  
the thing is, louis trusts harry and he knows that harry wouldn't recommend a drug lord or a thief or an utter twat, he knows that louis likes guys who smell good and who are smooth and witty and he's sure that any of the said is one of the other guy's traits. the thing is, is he's nervous. it's been a year since him and harry had broken up and it has been a year since louis had dated a guy, or even had sex with a guy (miserable, i know), so he doesn't know if his charm is still okay, or if he's still funny, or if he still knows how to put a fucking condom in a cock. he really, doesn't know.

  
that's why when harry tells him it's two-thirty and it's time to go, louis wants to puke.

  
"i can't do this, harry."

  
"'course you can, now get the fuck out of this flat before i kick your lovely arse."

  
louis laughs breathily, and he tries to convince himself that he can do this, and he's repeating 'i can do this' in his head like a mantra just to collect himself. he can nail this, he should nail this.  
the location is on a coffee shop, louis is surprised, he might've pegged the guy to be a party go-er. as he shrugged his thoughts, he went inside the coffee shop and ordered black coffee (time for a change?) and contemplating whether to sit near the door (or would it be too flashy?) or far near end (he might not see me?). after a while, louis just sits on the middle, takes a sip of his coffee, and texts harry a well i must say he's a bit late? tsk tsk x, harry reply is instant and it says you wait, you fucker. now, zayn told me he's wearing a dark blue faded-ish button up, and black pants. also, he has a chesnut-gold hair like you. love you babes .x

  
louis rolls his eyes, and responds with a <3 xx and he checks his facebook, only to like photos and scroll through photo's where he was tagged in and just stalk other people's profile. although, occacionaly, he stops when the bell jingles and he tries to look for the man who's wearing a dark blue faded-ish button up and black pants, and no one for the past minute comes. louis tries to be patient, trying to calm himself and not think that' he's been stood up, so he sips on his coffee and his taps his fingers on the table and checks his facebook if someone chats him, and also, he's still looking at the door if it jingles.

  
-

two hours.

  
two hours has gone and louis is fucking furious and he is sure that he has been stood up. he texts harry a there has got to be the wedding singer playing there when i come back or else im gonna jump off a cliff and when he hears a reply, he doesn't look at it because he just might throw his phone.

  
he can not believe it! he just can't believe it! he knew this was a bad idea! his prediction of this guy being an utter twat came true! why didn't he listen to his prediction? god, why was he so stupid? louis tries to calm himself down by breathing in and breathing out, and he stands up confidently, like he hadn't been waiting for the fucker (he decided to name him) for two hours and while he walks out of the coffee shop, he crashes onto someone wearing some blue polo that's been bleached with Zonrox so it's fucking faded and he's got black jeans and quiffed chesnut-gold hair and-

  
oh, he's the fucker! he's the late fucker!

  
"oh, i'm sorry." he says, and he's fucking american! and he's-

  
oh my fucking god.

  
"you're zac efron?" louis says and he doesn't even mind that it came out like an idiot question because he doesn't care because his blind date is zac efron!

  
"lou-louis tomlinson, right?" zac asks, a confident smile on his face. louis finds him nodding and oh god he's mesmerized by his voice. "ah, i see, look, i am really, really sorry for being, what?" he checks his watch. "fuck, two hours late. i'm sorry, man. i needed to run through some stuff and, wow, shit, i've ruined this, right?"

  
"pretty much." louis confesses, but laughs a bit. "and i'm really developing a hate on you or something. i thought you stood me up. but yeah, it's alright, you're zac fucking efron, i can make an excemption."

  
"perks of being a celebrity." zac mutters, grinning. "come on, love. let's get you out of here. let me take you to a proper date." he winks and louis feels he's melting.

  
zac leads him to his car, they get in and louis texts harry nevermind, hazzy. i think i can forgive this fucker and harry replies with go get him, tiger and he smiles a bit. they fall into a comfortable silence and later zac asks about life and louis would go rambling about how his bestfriend is always there for him and how his life can be shitty at times and how he sometimes has a mental breakdown but harry's there (except the one that happened this morning, that is pretty much confidential) and zac tells him about how fame can ruin your lifestyle and how paparazzi's follow them, he also talks about some funny moments of how he escapes the paparazzo's. louis laughs at his jokes and zac smiles when he sees the twinkle in his eyes.

  
"tell me about vanessa." louis says after a while.

  
"vanessa...er...hudgens?" zac asks dumbly. "that was like six? seven? years ago. why'd you wanna learn about us?"

  
"oh, c'mon, give me a break, okay? like i was heartbroken when you two broke-up because i convinced myself that you were getting married and you're gonna have little efron babies and sappy shit, okay?" louis explains. zac laughs at him.

  
"that was before i turned gay. that was before we grew apart and throw in the nude photos of vanessa issue and it was alot to handle so we decided to break it off." zac says. "we're still good friends, though. calls me every weekend to have ice cream."

  
"how did you know?" louis asks. "that you were gay, i mean?"

  
"like how you figured it out, i guess?" zac says and louis raises his eyebrows. "okay, so, like, i met someone, and like he's my harry to my louis, you get it? like we fit together. don't get me wrong, we were like perfect together, but, he found someone better than me, so"

  
"oh." louis says after a moment. "i'm sorry?"

  
"nah, it's alright. that was decades ago." he turns the engine off and unbuckles his seatbelt. "well, here we are."

  
apparently, zac brings him to a small cozy cafe just down the street (isn't it always there?) and it's called something that's related to something being zen; louis couldn't care less on what's the cafe's name.

  
louis stares at his window (pretending to not see zac get out of the car) and observes the restaurant.

  
he definitley doesn't want zac to open the door for him, not really.

  
that's why he unlocked his door.

  
zac doesn't notice louis' little act, instead, it's like he's been practicing it for years and he moves like a robot (graceful robot, i mean) and automatically opens the door for louis. louis definitley doesn't blush. nope.

  
"this is nice." louis comments while they're walking inside. zac smiles at him and louis feels dizzy. his insides are saying man the fuck up, louis. you're gonna nail this but on the outside he feels his knees are giving.

  
they choose to sit on the back part of the cafe (zac chose it) and they chatted for a while until the waitress gave their drinks. louis huffs a bit when the waitress goes on about rambling how she's zac efron's biggest fan oh my god zac i love you. when she leaves zac gives louis a face.

  
(louis isn't sure if it's a smirk or a smile or a trick of the light or maybe he's a god because he's got this adorable face)

  
"did i just see jealousy flare in louis tomlinson's eyes or is my mind playing tricks on me?" zac says, taking a sip of his coffee and moans a bit because of the taste. and honestly right now louis wants zac to fuck him right now.

  
"i tend to get possesive." louis grins. copies zac's actions and raises his mug. "this- this is fucking awesome. i love this."

  
zac hums in response. "i know, right? i love this place."

  
and that's how zac rambles about he's tried half of the stuff in here and it's all "perfect and fabulous" (louis thinks he just used the word fabulous because he's trying to relive the stereotypical kind of gay, louis doesn't really know) (but really, zac just wants louis to laugh, don't tell louis) and then he talks about his favorite waitress called amy and she's sweet and lesbian and she talks about her girlfriend all the time and other stuff that makes louis laugh and smile and fuck zac is perfect. he wants to cry because zac is so perfect.

  
when they are done zac pays (so here's the thing; louis didn't really bring money because harry promised that the guy is a gentleman so louis retorted something along the lines well if he's a gentleman he will fucking pay and louis is thankful zac is a gentleman) and they walk to his car.

  
"thank you." louis says, smiling brightly. "for this. i mean, you're a busy man and you have obligations but you still made time for this date. i-thank you."

  
"nah, it's alright." zac replied. "obligations are boring, anyway. this- this is much more fun. you're fun. you're fit."

  
louis blushes. "flattery will get you everywhere, mr. efron."

  
"would it get me to your heart?" zac retorts.

  
louis laughs. "that," he starts. "is the cheesiest thing i've heard." he said, still laughing. "but it might, though? we'll see." he adds, winking for emphasis.

  
"hmm, let's see." he says, already leaning in to kiss him but louis pushes him away.

  
"nope. not now. because if you're a true gentleman -and you really want to get to my heart- you should suffer and wait until my doorstep so you could kiss me."

  
zac raises an eyebrow. "that's so cliche."

  
"consider this a test."

  
later, when zac drops louis to his and harry's flat, zac pecks him in the lips, and they stare at each other for a while and then they kiss. harry, who's watching from the little window in the door, grins triumphantly.

  
(although, really. he's dying inside because his otp)

**Author's Note:**

> IM REALLY SORRY


End file.
